We returned from Santiago, Chile, where I’d been teaching at the Centro de Estudios Pastorales (Centre for Pastoral Studies, CEP) for seven years, last January. A serious health issue came up in the family and while it was straightforward to manage in the UK, it quickly became clear that it would be impossible to do so overseas. Our return was unexpected, and in many ways, hard and painful. But we also saw many blessings and our good God’s provision amid the challenges.
Every mission partner’s experience of returning is different and specific to their individual characters, circumstances, and challenges. It can feel hard to put into words what you’re still processing. It can also feel hard for those saying goodbye or welcoming returning mission partners back to understand what is going on.
Here are six observations about our return and subsequent transition which I’ve found helpful to come back to as I’ve explained our situation to others and come to terms with the change myself. I’ve ordered them into six L’s: three challenges and three blessings of leaving, looking ahead and landing:
Firstly, the challenge of leaving. Coming apart from Chile was a real grief. Chile was where our friends were, where our ministry was, where our house, school and work was. It was our home. So, there was a massive heartache that came with leaving dear friends and familiar places. I also felt guilty about leaving CEP at what felt like a critical time in the college’s life. And I missed not being able to walk every step of my students’ time at CEP with them, encouraging them in their struggles and rejoicing with them in their progress. But I’ve learnt to trust the Lord to use the little we offered, and to trust that we were not the lynch pin holding CEP together.
At times, I also felt self-conscious about what our return might look like to outside observers: ‘the Fosters are up and off as soon as the first hard thing hits’ was the rather brutal conclusion I imagined others to be coming to. The truth was that we’d had a fantastic time and returning hadn’t been on the cards anytime soon. So, there was a lot of emotion flying around!
Secondly, the challenge of looking ahead. When I think back to January 2021, all the questions spinning round my head with our family’s future suddenly in flux come flooding back. Where do we live? What do we do? Where do you start first – school, church, potential ministry? Normally, people don’t do all of that at once! There are buffers between each new thing, with time to adjust and build new routines, instead of going straight in with a blank sheet of paper.
Then the realisation sank in that short-term decisions have long-term consequences. We were having to decide where home would be, not just for the next few months, but the next 10 years. We were also having to anticipate with how our two young children will suddenly have to deal with life in the UK, which is very different to life in Chile. Some people love surfing life’s unpredictable challenges – not me! The responsibility for the long-term direction of our lives felt heavy.
Thirdly, the challenge of landing. There were the short-term practicalities to think of: where will we stay? How long will we stay for? How do we re-validate our expired UK driving licenses?! Very generous friends and family hosted us, for which we are so grateful. But the process of moving from place to place is draining, as is being squeezed for space and unable to fully unpack. It felt a bit like moving house but spread over nine months!
Then there were the long-term ministry questions to consider, and then realities to adjust to. We had been involved in CEP since 2015 but had been building up to serving there since we first got in touch with Crosslinks about the possibility of being mission partners in 2011. Suddenly, we were needing to make decisions about what to do and where to serve. As you approach your mid-forties you might expect to be growing or deepening whatever role you might have. Instead, we were faced with a fresh start.
Then there was the ‘culture friction’ (as opposed to culture shock). You can brace for a wave, but it’s easy to end up in choppy water without realising it. We found this was the case – often we couldn’t put our finger on why we felt so out of place in somewhere that should have been familiar. ‘I should be ok with this, but I’m not. I should know this, but I don’t.’ Usually it was small things, like not knowing street names or the quickest route somewhere. For our kids, they had to get used to children swearing at school, and teachers not hugging kids. These aren’t huge things, but they can get under your skin and make you feel like you don’t quite belong, which is hard when you’re technically home.
And finally, we’ve also had to resist the tempting ‘grass is greener’ mindset. Life in the UK is different from life in Chile, and we’ve needed to find ways to acknowledge and come to terms with that as a family without becoming overly nostalgic or self-pitying. It’s easy to react to things being hard and different here by looking back with rose-tinted glasses: ‘life in Chile was easier, less messy, more fun.’ But nostalgia isn’t a trustworthy mental escape route because it distorts the past and refuses to engage with the present. So, we’ve been trying to have honest conversations round the dinner table as a family about how to react to starting new schools, new jobs, even new bus routes(!) that points us to the Lord as our Rock, rather than life in Chile.
So, those were the challenges! But there have also been many blessings.
Firstly, blessings in leaving. It was initially hard to come to terms with such a big and sudden shift. But wonderfully I was able to go back to Chile in February and be very intentional about leaving, which massively helped. It was such a blessing not to have to leave in a crisis and we got to say our goodbyes. I was able to phase my ministry at CEP out through online teaching over six months and I went back for two final visits to finish off modules and have in-person lectures with my students. And I also saw that as painful as it was to leave, it was a good kind of hurt because our time there had been so precious. I’m conscious that many mission partners aren’t able to have this luxury as they leave, and I am so thankful for the Lord’s kindness to us in many ways.
Secondly, blessings in looking ahead. We have been overwhelmed at the support we’ve had from Crosslinks and our partner churches. Because of Crosslinks’ focus on partnership, we really felt like we knew our partner churches and vice versa – we were family, and they worked hard to give wise counsel and time to have the hard conversations. Crosslinks also were a huge help in providing logistical support, in helping us organise where to stay and for how long, where to live, where to work, how to re-validate those expired UK driving licenses!
We can’t possibly list all the many ways in which people cared for us and were kind to us. We were given a car to drive and a home to stay in; we had a church to be part of and a school for the kids; old friends were so faithful, and new friends were so thoughtful. We felt well-looked over and not as overwhelmed as we otherwise would have been.
Thirdly, blessings in landing. We really felt the Lord’s provision in landing, through having the time and space and support to create a buffer zone to breathe. We didn’t have to make our 10-year decision imminently. We had a place we didn’t have to stay in forever. Our kids even had places in schools from the week we landed! We were able to create routines and habits of ‘normal life’ even as we worked out exactly what and where and when that would be, which made everything feel less disorientating. We could acknowledge the tension of being back but not onto the next ‘stage’. We could let our emotions settle. We could just breathe. It was a huge help.
As we continue to adjust, do pray we’d be joyful and grateful for the Lord’s past and present blessings, rather than forgetful and grumbling like wandering Israel! Our God has been very good to us, and encouragements from his word and his people have kept us going along the way. We give him great thanks and praise.